By Kate Zydor
Opinions Editor
Finding a romantic partner isn’t always as easy as it looks. While some people seem to literally bump into their soul mate, others have trouble making that “stars-aligned” connection. Once you decide you are ready to find that certain someone, it requires not only an investment of time but an emotional investment as well. Working to “put yourself out there” while managing classes and other commitments can be overwhelming.
Enter social media apps. The solution for all your dating woes – or so we thought. With just one swipe, friend request or direct message on apps such as Tinder, Snapchat and Instagram, we can connect to and communicate with potential partners.
Although convenient, these platforms have at best weakened our interpersonal skills and, at worst, rendered us vulnerable to people with undesirable intentions.
In theory, you can be a perfect match with someone on paper but have no chemistry with them in person. Using Tinder as an example, users are asked to input information including their dating goals, hobbies and lifestyle choices. We swipe on Tinder and make a quick judgment about someone – left or right – based on a few photos and fun facts.
Say that you swipe right on a person’s profile who has similar interests, attends your college and is looking for the same type of relationship. You match with one another and you start to think that the universe has conspired for you to find your soulmate; but, when you make plans to meet in person, the conversation is dull and your energies don’t match. You end up texting your best friend to call you with a fake illness that requires your immediate attention.
Situations like this occur all the time; which is not to say that there aren’t dating app success stories, but such stories are greatly outnumbered. Now you might question how it’s possible to find a genuine relationship in our society without the use of dating apps. I have grappled with the same question myself.
What I’ve come to believe is that there has to be a hybrid approach. There must be a happy medium where we can take advantage of the positives of social media while not ignoring opportunities to connect with others organically.
Getting involved in student organizations and activities provides an opportunity to connect in person with people who share your interests. You never know when you’ll meet the right person. It could be at a club meeting, a paint night at the Recreation Center or during a random afternoon studying at the Library Café.
As college students, we are all going through the same confusion that surrounds the dating world. However, we all crave the same thing - human connection and finding our person. By putting yourself out there and meeting new people face-to-face, you are likely to come across individuals with goals parallel to your own. Utilizing these social skills frequently makes building up the confidence to approach people who you are interested in much easier.
When we consistently use social media as our only form of contact with the group of people we are interested in dating, it becomes exponentially more difficult for us to have such in-person conversations.
Whether you’re looking for a long or short-term relationship doesn’t matter, but it will play a significant role when choosing with whom to spend your time. It’s crucial to acknowledge that many people do not make their dating intentions clear in conversations that take place online, which is an unfortunate consequence of using social media apps as dating platforms.
I have heard many stories from people who have “met” someone through Snapchat and entered into a talking stage, believing that an official relationship was on the horizon. However, after meeting in person, they realized that this potential partner was looking for nothing more than a casual fling. Often, these kinds of experiences negatively impact college students’ perception of relationships and reinforce the notion that college-aged individuals simply want to play the field.
For some, this may be true, but by meeting people in person, there is a better chance to gauge whether or not someone checks off all the boxes on the list of what you want from a partner.
With that being said, surviving the college dating pool is no easy feat. Try to remember that there is someone out there for you, but you may not find them on social media. On these apps, there is no way to filter out the qualities that are not a good fit for your personality or aspirations.
By taking the time to understand yourself and your needs, you also give yourself the time to attract the right people.
