Dear Judith,
Unfortunately, I suffered a pretty bad breakup the summer before last semester started. Although I’m feeling a bit better and have gotten right back into being with friends and all my clubs, it continues to hurt as a bad feeling in the back of my mind, so I ask you: How have you gotten over an ex, especially one who you loved?
-Moving On
Dear Moving On,
I absolutely feel for you — going through a breakup is one of the most difficult, confusing and crushing experiences we go through. The good news, is that you’re not letting it stop you from living. This is a key step. You’re back with your friends and doing activities with clubs. You may not realize it, but this is so important.
Little voices probably eat away at you everyday. You may be having a perfect day and suddenly you think of a past experience with an ex that made you happy and suddenly you’re crying in your room because you miss them so much. Trust me, I’ve been there. We have all been there.
Have you thought about the future, Moving On? Maybe something (or someone) better is about to come along and totally consume you. Maybe you had to go through this breakup to realize what you really need is something totally different.
I know this might not sound comforting. Maybes don’t mean shit to someone who is hurting. I’ve experienced a breakup with someone I loved. But I’m still standing.
Want to know what helped me? Facing those bad feelings head on. It’s like staring at yourself in a mirror for an extraordinary amount of time and letting every bad thought consume you. Absorb it. Cry. Scream. Punch something. But don’t stop looking. Fight back, but also let go. Allow yourself to grieve and experience those feelings, as raw and scary as they are.
Because once you do, you will finally begin to understand how these feelings can actually help you. They will make you stronger. They will pave the way for finding happiness. After all, we cannot achieve such a place without first knocking down the obstacles in the way.
Don’t be afraid, Moving On. You’re strong. You’re important. And pretty soon your reflection will show nothing but smiles.
Love, Judith
