Dear Sweta,
I've been with my girlfriend for a little less than a year now and suddenly when we came back from Winter break, she said we needed to talk. Immediately, I thought there was something wrong and that either she was going to dump me or that she had cheated on me.
It turns out she is bisexual. She told me that she experimented with women before we started going out, but was too afraid to tell me.
I know that a lot of guys would find this news to be wonderful, but I just see it as more competition. Also, I feel like my family won't accept her. I don't really know how to deal with it and I still want to be her boyfriend, but I'm afraid it will just be too weird. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Straight Talker
Dear Straight Talker,
Sexuality is generally a very difficult term to define because it means different things depending on the person. You may see yourself as a heterosexual male, but I'm sure every male has a feminine side, just as every female has a masculine side.
Just because your girlfriend is bisexual does not mean her feelings for you have changed. She has been with you for almost a year because she likes you as a person. The question you need to ask yourself is simple: do you trust her?
Either way, straight, gay, bisexual or other, people will have more than one person that may care for them and try to court them. Does it really make a difference whether a girl is trying to get her attention over a guy? I don't think it does.
The point is, if you trust her and you know she wants to be with you, then it really isn't more competition. It's just different types of people.
I can see why you may feel shocked and uncomfortable, especially since you've been with her for a quite a bit of time without knowing. But what you need to understand is that she didn't tell you because she was afraid of how you might react.
Instead of getting upset or feeling weird about being with her, you need to look at all the great times you've had. She was bisexual before you knew she was, and you still liked her enough to be with her for that long, so why would anything change now? What you need to do is make her feel comfortable about being herself around you.
Bisexuality is just like anything else. A lot of people have something different about them that they don't know if they can reveal to their significant others. Would you feel uncomfortable with her if she told you that her passion was collecting gum wrappers?
The information she shared with you was shared because she felt comfortable enough to tell you her deep feelings. Instead of feeling strange about being with a "bisexual," you should feel proud that your girlfriend trusted you with such important information. Your job now is to make her aware that you're OK with it.
Sexuality in this day and age should not even be an issue. If anything was to be learned from Tila Tequila's debut as a bisexual on national television, it is that everyone, no matter what their sexual orientation, is just trying to find someone in this ever-changing, sometimes cruel, world to love.
As for your family, my advice to you is to ask your girlfriend if it is OK to tell your family about her bisexuality. If it is, you need to let them know and tell them that you support her and want to be with her no matter what. Even if they resist, they are your family and they love you, so the only thing they should truly care about is your happiness.
Like I said, sexuality is ill-defined because it depends on the person. It shouldn't matter whether your significant other is a bisexual or not. The only thing that really matters is how much you care about them. If you keep an open mind and just follow your heart, things have a tendency to fall into place.
Sweta
