Dear Sweta,
I've been in a relationship with a guy for a year and the other day we started talking about masturbation. Since we don't get to see each other a lot because we go to separate schools, he tells me I should try it once in a while. I have tried, but it's just too weird, and it seems like most girls don't ever do it. I mean in general it seems like such a huge taboo, for women especially. Why is that? Is it unhealthy or something if you do it too much?
Sincerely,
Can't press my own buttons
Dear Buttons,
First of all, you are definitely not alone. A lot of girls think they shouldn't masturbate because it will make them look as though they want sexual stimulation more than they should.
However, what most people don't realize is that statistically, women have higher libidos than men do anyway. So why shouldn't girls masturbate just as much as guys? There is absolutely no reason why girls can't enjoy the same sort of sexual expression that guys do, and most girls know that.
I know it's well known that guys normally masturbate a few times a week, but if you think about it, masturbation isn't really talked about. Like you said, masturbation is almost taboo, at least to talk about. I find this so strange because we are in the 21st century and people talk about sex, which is so much riskier, like it's nothing.
I think one of the main reasons for that is there are many myths about masturbation that stem from the Victorian era.
Masturbation used to be considered wrong. At the turn of the century, girls were forced to wear Brillo pad-like gloves on their hands and powder on their genital region while going to sleep at night so that they wouldn't be able to touch themselves without causing pain.
It was no less for guys; they were forced to wear chastity belts while sleeping so that it would be painful to have an erection.
The myths that stem from this sort of thinking include: masturbation makes you go blind, or makes you go bald or makes you grow hair on your hands. Now most people don't buy into myths of that nature, but a lot of people, girls especially, think that people in a relationship shouldn't masturbate, which is totally untrue.
I think another reason girls don't masturbate a lot is because many of them don't know how to. Let's face it, it's easy for guys, but for girls sometimes it's difficult to find the right way to do it. Many girls try it once or twice and are unable to get it right, so they just give up.
My best advice for you is to try masturbating. If you and your boyfriend are intimate with each other, you should ask him to teach you how to do it by guiding you with his hands. That way it is fun for both of you and then when you're alone, you won't have to worry about finding your clitoris.
All in all masturbation is a healthy expression of sexuality and doing it "too much" isn't an issue because only you decide how much is good for you.
Sweta
